My Lord God I have no idea where I am going I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear for you are with me, and you will never leave to face my perils alone. Thomas Merton,(1915-1968)
Thomas Merton, as some of you will know, was a Trappist monk whose writings on the spiritual life were very influential in the middle years of the twentieth century especially but still have a resonance. This prayer seems as relevant for us today as it did when it was first written. I will briefly comment on the direction of the prayer but hope to come back to it at some point over the summer.
My Lord God I have no idea where I am going I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Merton starts by acknowledging how uncertain life is. As someone who lived in the same monastery for many years he was not talking about geographical travel, but that sense of the unfolding nature of our lives, how we change as people and how circumstances can surprise us. He is also humble enough to let go of attempting to control his life in the face of this uncertainty and that includes his own spiritual formation and discipleship.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
He is also honest enough to confess that he is still discovering much about himself, that his inner drives and motivations for example can remain a mystery. This means that as a Christian he may get things wrong and that it is possible he does not know what God’s will is. Such childlike humility is at the centre of what it means to be a follower of Jesus.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it.
God looks on us like a loving parent whose small children bring paintings, crafts, mud pies etc which are done out of love but with minimal skill. It really is the thought that counts and so long as we sincerely desire to get it right, Merton encourages us that God will guide us. He reminds us that there are right roads and choices and those are better than their alternatives, but that God will help us in the making of these. Often though we are not aware of how we are fulfilling God’s will, and how he may be using us to bless others, and I think that is quite wonderful.
Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear for you are with me, and you will never leave to face my perils alone.
With echoes of Psalm 23 Merton reminds us that we will indeed face perils and even the shadow of death and will feel lost at times. Such things are part of what it means to live a full human life. Rather than running from them we are encouraged to live into them knowing that we are not alone.
As we emerge into whatever lives ahead for our planet, our country, our city, our church, our family this summer let’s keep the words of this prayer close to our hearts.
Rev. Paul Watson
